So I thought I would blog on my first day at the LSF
It was a weird rollercoaster day when I manged to get from having genuine thoughts of what would happen if I just stopped writing altogether to feeling more excited about my project then I have in ages. Most of this can be put down to blood sugar levels but I had an excellent session at a Euroscript script clinic. It really is a bit like seeing a therapist about a script. Just talking about it to someone new means they can point out all the obvious issues that have been allowed to stay in for no good reason. And by acknowledging one thing I was actually able to see why other suggestions didn't work. I have a tendency to just accept any old note once I've conceded one but this time the thing felt like it framed better.
Other highlights would be Jane Leys's talk. Really excellent, despite the fact I was fading badly and feeling like it was all too much during it. I particularly rated the 50 things that could stop them achieving their goals. That sounds like a brilliant exercise and have started work on it. Also Ash Atalla just for being funny and human and positive about the fact that talent will out.
However what I've decided from yesterday is this: I want to know more about craft than trade this time. I always thought that it was most important to come out of the festival with lots of ways to hustle and get yourself heard. But the truth is that I'll learn about that when I'm ready. At the moment I need to feel better about my projects and get that draft out before christmas as planned. Then I can focus on this. And just as writing tips are more useful once you've tried and failed so I suspect are 'how to get noticed' tips. I need to do it for a bit and then pay attention. With that in mind I'm planning to go to the following sesisons:
The preverbal language of cinema
Speed Pitching (and this time remember you're pitching you not your project)
Why most scripts crash and burn in first ten pages
Train your brain for writing success
And the pitch factor (whether I enter or not will depend on how I'm feeling)
Looking forward to it.
Nick
Saturday 29 October 2011
Thursday 27 October 2011
Advanced Fun script
This is the main sequence of the first act of a feature I"m working on at the moment. It explains the pitch but also I hope the tone of the piece and something of the characters. Would be interested in any comments.
INT. PUB- DAY
Toby, Lois and Mark are in the corner of the pub. They’re two drinks in and definitely feeling it. Toby is intently watching the football.
TOBY
Oh come on! You fat Geordie... aargh.
Mark and Lois look at each other and smile. Mark drops his smile and asks a question that has been bothering him.
MARK
Is it OK that we haven’t bought a pint since the start of the game?
LOIS
(bemused)
Yeah.
MARK
They don’t think you’re taking the piss not to buy one for 40 minutes.
LOIS
Don’t think so.
Mark nods, considering this.
TOBY
(to the TV)
Oh come on!
MARK
He’s too isolated at the moment. He needs the fullback to give him more support.
COMMENTATOR ON THE TV (O.S.)
The fullback needs to support him more. At the moment he’s just completely isolated.
Lois looks at him, amused.
LOIS
You should be a commentator. Do you play football?
MARK
Not since I was little. I wasn’t able to after that. I don’t know if Toby has told you about my illness?
Toby starts paying attention.
LOIS
A little bit.
MARK
I had chronic fatigue syndrome. For a long time. It took me ages to finish school. And I couldn’t do anything else really. Barely left the house. But I’m feeling better now. I realised I have done for a while. So now, I want to have some fun.
LOIS
Well, cheers to that.
Lois raises her glass but Mark doesn’t. He hasn’t finished yet.
MARK
The thing is: I don’t know how to.
He looks at Lois for a reaction. She’s listening, understanding. Toby is less sure.
MARK (CONT'D)
Today is the third time I’ve ever been to the pub and the first time not for lunch. I’ve never been to a club. Or a gig. Or even a proper house party. I’ve never smoked a joint or had a drunken snog or even been up all night. I’ve never had fun as an adult. And now, when I’m finally fit enough to do so, I don’t know how to. And I don’t have anyone to do it with.
He takes a swig from his pint and braces himself.
MARK (CONT'D)
And I was kind of hoping that you guys might be able to help me. I mean, I feel ridiculous, it's like I’m asking you to be my friend but I figured, with your big nights out, you seem as if you’re pretty good at having fun. So I was wondering if, in the week or so I’m here you might be able to teach me. Nothing too advanced. Just some basic fun.
Toby doesn’t know what to say. Lois does.
LOIS
Yes! Absolutely!
Toby looks at Lois, surprised by this mass enthusiasm.
MARK
Really?
LOIS
Of course! It’s a great idea.
MARK
Are you sure I wouldn’t cramp your style?
LOIS
No!
TOBY
We really have very little style.
LOIS
It would be an honour to show you this city.
TOBY
And what style we do have we keep in open space where it can’t get cramped.
LOIS
We’re going to give you the ultimate guide to having fun.
TOBY
So to be honest, you could be a giant huge fattypuff and you still wouldn’t cramp our style.
LOIS
Right so let’s start planning. What do you want to do first?
MARK
I don’t know, maybe a club?
LOIS
Right what kind of club? R’n’B, Drum’n’Bass, Indie. Or maybe you mean a different type like a pool club? Or a gentleman’s club? I’m probably not the best person to help with you that one. But it’s OK, I’m not judging.
MARK
(slightly overwhelmed)
Maybe it would better to start with a party?
LOIS
Good idea. Which do you fancy: house party, warehouse party, fancy dress party...
Lois is so excited she gets her notepad and starts writing stuff down.
TOBY
Mark, do you want another pint?
MARK
Yeah. I think I’m getting a bit pissed though.
TOBY
Well in that case you’re definitely getting another. Lois?
LOIS
White wine please?
TOBY
Could you give me a hand?
LOIS
Can’t you do that three glass triangle thing?
TOBY
No.
Toby has to more or less drag Lois before she realises she needs to come.
INT. PUB BAR-NIGHT
Toby and Lois get to the bar where there’s enough space for Toby to squeeze into a space with Lois behind him. Toby looks to try and catch someone’s eye as he speaks.
TOBY
When you said I was fun yesterday, did you mean I was deeply scary.
LOIS
I wasn’t scaring him, I was exciting him.
TOBY
Really?
LOIS
Yes. Imgaine it. Clubs, parties, cabarets, flashmobs, everything, all new, all fresh. Who wouldn’t be excited?
TOBY
I wouldn’t be.
LOIS
But you’re boring.
TOBY
Yesterday you said I was fun.
LOIS
Yesterday, you’d just got dumped by your girlfriend and you were giving me the full sad puppy face.
Toby turns around. He has said face on.
LOIS (CONT'D)
Yes, exactly. How can I be honest to that face? No, of course you’re not boring. You’re just, I’m not sure your idea of fun is what he needs right now.
TOBY
My idea of fun, is having fun. It’s not going to a bunch of places which Time Out have told you are hip and happening. It’s not thinking that if you go somewhere trendy you’re automatically having a good time. It’s not planning out ‘how to have fun’. It’s relaxing, going with the flow, being yourself and just having a good time.
LOIS
That doesn’t sound like fun.
Barman comes up to them.
BARMAN
Can I get you anything?
TOBY
You’re a motivational speaker and you’re complaining about me giving out platitudes.
LOIS
I’m not a motivational speaker, I’m a creativity consultant.
BARMAN
I could come back later.
TOBY
You’re someone who loves making plans, who loves creating lists and loves to know what’s trendy.
(to the Barman)
Two pints of Stella and a glass of white wine.
(back to Lois)
That’s not the same as being fun.
LOIS
You really think you know better than me how to have fun?
TOBY
I think there are lots of fun things, Mark won’t do if you have your way.
LOIS
Like what?
TOBY
Like...
Toby’s struggling when the barman comes up to them with the drinks.
BARMAN
That will be £12.30 please.
MARK (O.S.)
It’s my round.
They look round to see Mark. Neither of them are sure how long he’s been there.
TOBY
No don’t be silly. I’ve got this.
MARK
Please. I’ve never been able to say this before in my life. It’s quite exciting.
(to the barman)
It’s my round.
He hands the barman a £20 note. Toby watches a broad smile comes across Mark’s face as he does this.
TOBY
Mark, have you ever played a pub quiz machine?
Mark smiles.
MARK
No.
INT. PUB-LATER
Mark, Lois and Toby are gathered around the quiz machine. They’re very excited about how well they’re doing. The new question comes up and almost instantly Mark is on it.
MARK
Lake Baikal.
He hits the correct button.
TOBY
Come on!
LOIS
I swear he gets the answer before I can even read the question.
Toby is ringing his phone as he looks at the next answer. Seb answers.
INT. ESTATE-DAY
Seb is with a bunch of teenagers who are practicing their parkour. Seb is queuing up to do a jump. It’s not that hard but it requires concentration.
SEB
Hello.
TOBY
Seb, you’re not going to believe this. We’re nearly at £20 on Deal or No Deal!
Seb stops in his tracks.
SEB
(outraged)
What? What are you doing playing Deal or No Deal without me?
INT. PUB- DAY
MARK
Sodium.
LOIS
Oh my god.
She hugs him. Marks doesn’t know how to react.
TOBY
It’s Mark. He’s unbelievable.
EXT. ESTATE-DAY
Seb stops what he’s doing and ushers the other jumpers to the ledge ahead of him.
SEB
Hold on! Hold on! I need to be part of this. Read out the questions! I’m playing!
INT. PUB- DAY
MARK
Capybara.
LOIS
How do you know all this?
MARK
This is what happens when you never go out.
EXT. ESTATE-DAY
Seb is the last one left to do jump.
SEB
Seriously, read out the questions, man. I’m part of this.
BOY
Seb, are you going to jump or what?
SEB
In a minute.
BOY
Catch us up yeah. You know how to do the jump.
SEB
Of course. Of course.
(down the phone)
Seriously, read out the questions.
The boys bounce off.
INT. PUB- DAY
The three of them are huddled around the machine arms across each others shoulders.
LOIS
OK. This is the last question. Ready?
They all nod.
LOIS (CONT'D)
What year was the queen born?
Mark was about to hit an answer but then he stops. He has no idea.
MARK
I was brought up a Republican.
LOIS
Toby?
TOBY
Seb. This is to win it. What year was the Queen born 1924, 1925 or 1926?
EXT. ESTATE-DAY
Seb walks up to the ledge.
SEB
It’s always the first one with dates. Trust me. 1924. It’s a definite.
TOBY
Are you sure?
SEB
As sure as I am that I can do this jump. In fact I’m going to do both together. Ready? On 3, press 1924. 1,2,3.
He jumps.
INT. PUB- DAY
They press 1924. It’s the wrong answer.
LOIS
No! Fuck!
MARK
(mortified)
I’m sorry.
Lois hugs him. Mark is a bit uncomfortable with this much physical touching. Lois backs off.
LOIS
Don’t be ridiculous! You were amazing. Who knew a quiz could be fun?
TOBY
(on the phone)
Seb? Seb? Are you there?
EXT. ESTATE-DAY
We see the area Seb was meant to jump to. He’s not there.
INT. PUB- DAY
Toby looks at his phone to check reception.
TOBY
He’s such a bad loser.
(to Lois and Mark)
I’m sorry but did Lois just say a quiz is fun?
LOIS
Exception that proves the rule.
TOBY
You see Mark, this is what you need to understand. Lois thinks that when you say you want to learn to have fun, what you’re asking for is some bells and whistles programme consisting of heavily planned trips to cool clubs, trendy parties and random happenings where before you can set foot outside the door you need to think carefully about what you’re wearing, what you’re going to do, how you’re going to act. But I reckon what you want is just a more relaxed introduction to the things people do to chill out: the pub, the quiz machine, the football match. No planning, don’t think too hard about it, just go out there and have a good time. So which do you want?
Mark looks from Toby to Lois and back to Toby. He looks as if he’s been asked make Sophie’s choice.
MARK
Can we do both?
Toby and Lois look at each other. Both a little disappointed he didn’t pick them.
LOIS
You mean take it in turns?
MARK
Well, yeah. They both sound fun.
TOBY
And then at the end you can decide which one is actually more fun?
MARK
(joking)
Sure, I’ll score everything out of 10 and see which wins.
Lois and Toby both nod. They’re satisfied with this.
LOIS
Done. We’ll do 7 each and then see who’s got the most points.
Lois and Toby shake. Mark looks at them, not sure if he should explain to them that he was joking.
TOBY
So who’s going to go first?
Lois takes a beermat and hands it to Mark.
LOIS
That side is me. The other is Toby.
Mark looks extremely nervous and tries to flip it but it doesn’t work and just flops. He tries again. Same reaction.
MARK
Shall I do eenie, meenie, miney moh?
This has slightly taken the wind of the sails but Mark diligently goes through it. Halfway through the count he loses count and is about to start again.
TOBY
Don’t bother. You started with me, Lois will win it.
MARK
How do you know?
TOBY
I’m a primary school teacher.
LOIS
(pleased with having won)
Alright. Next Friday, get ready.
INT. PUB- DAY
Toby, Lois and Mark are in the corner of the pub. They’re two drinks in and definitely feeling it. Toby is intently watching the football.
TOBY
Oh come on! You fat Geordie... aargh.
Mark and Lois look at each other and smile. Mark drops his smile and asks a question that has been bothering him.
MARK
Is it OK that we haven’t bought a pint since the start of the game?
LOIS
(bemused)
Yeah.
MARK
They don’t think you’re taking the piss not to buy one for 40 minutes.
LOIS
Don’t think so.
Mark nods, considering this.
TOBY
(to the TV)
Oh come on!
MARK
He’s too isolated at the moment. He needs the fullback to give him more support.
COMMENTATOR ON THE TV (O.S.)
The fullback needs to support him more. At the moment he’s just completely isolated.
Lois looks at him, amused.
LOIS
You should be a commentator. Do you play football?
MARK
Not since I was little. I wasn’t able to after that. I don’t know if Toby has told you about my illness?
Toby starts paying attention.
LOIS
A little bit.
MARK
I had chronic fatigue syndrome. For a long time. It took me ages to finish school. And I couldn’t do anything else really. Barely left the house. But I’m feeling better now. I realised I have done for a while. So now, I want to have some fun.
LOIS
Well, cheers to that.
Lois raises her glass but Mark doesn’t. He hasn’t finished yet.
MARK
The thing is: I don’t know how to.
He looks at Lois for a reaction. She’s listening, understanding. Toby is less sure.
MARK (CONT'D)
Today is the third time I’ve ever been to the pub and the first time not for lunch. I’ve never been to a club. Or a gig. Or even a proper house party. I’ve never smoked a joint or had a drunken snog or even been up all night. I’ve never had fun as an adult. And now, when I’m finally fit enough to do so, I don’t know how to. And I don’t have anyone to do it with.
He takes a swig from his pint and braces himself.
MARK (CONT'D)
And I was kind of hoping that you guys might be able to help me. I mean, I feel ridiculous, it's like I’m asking you to be my friend but I figured, with your big nights out, you seem as if you’re pretty good at having fun. So I was wondering if, in the week or so I’m here you might be able to teach me. Nothing too advanced. Just some basic fun.
Toby doesn’t know what to say. Lois does.
LOIS
Yes! Absolutely!
Toby looks at Lois, surprised by this mass enthusiasm.
MARK
Really?
LOIS
Of course! It’s a great idea.
MARK
Are you sure I wouldn’t cramp your style?
LOIS
No!
TOBY
We really have very little style.
LOIS
It would be an honour to show you this city.
TOBY
And what style we do have we keep in open space where it can’t get cramped.
LOIS
We’re going to give you the ultimate guide to having fun.
TOBY
So to be honest, you could be a giant huge fattypuff and you still wouldn’t cramp our style.
LOIS
Right so let’s start planning. What do you want to do first?
MARK
I don’t know, maybe a club?
LOIS
Right what kind of club? R’n’B, Drum’n’Bass, Indie. Or maybe you mean a different type like a pool club? Or a gentleman’s club? I’m probably not the best person to help with you that one. But it’s OK, I’m not judging.
MARK
(slightly overwhelmed)
Maybe it would better to start with a party?
LOIS
Good idea. Which do you fancy: house party, warehouse party, fancy dress party...
Lois is so excited she gets her notepad and starts writing stuff down.
TOBY
Mark, do you want another pint?
MARK
Yeah. I think I’m getting a bit pissed though.
TOBY
Well in that case you’re definitely getting another. Lois?
LOIS
White wine please?
TOBY
Could you give me a hand?
LOIS
Can’t you do that three glass triangle thing?
TOBY
No.
Toby has to more or less drag Lois before she realises she needs to come.
INT. PUB BAR-NIGHT
Toby and Lois get to the bar where there’s enough space for Toby to squeeze into a space with Lois behind him. Toby looks to try and catch someone’s eye as he speaks.
TOBY
When you said I was fun yesterday, did you mean I was deeply scary.
LOIS
I wasn’t scaring him, I was exciting him.
TOBY
Really?
LOIS
Yes. Imgaine it. Clubs, parties, cabarets, flashmobs, everything, all new, all fresh. Who wouldn’t be excited?
TOBY
I wouldn’t be.
LOIS
But you’re boring.
TOBY
Yesterday you said I was fun.
LOIS
Yesterday, you’d just got dumped by your girlfriend and you were giving me the full sad puppy face.
Toby turns around. He has said face on.
LOIS (CONT'D)
Yes, exactly. How can I be honest to that face? No, of course you’re not boring. You’re just, I’m not sure your idea of fun is what he needs right now.
TOBY
My idea of fun, is having fun. It’s not going to a bunch of places which Time Out have told you are hip and happening. It’s not thinking that if you go somewhere trendy you’re automatically having a good time. It’s not planning out ‘how to have fun’. It’s relaxing, going with the flow, being yourself and just having a good time.
LOIS
That doesn’t sound like fun.
Barman comes up to them.
BARMAN
Can I get you anything?
TOBY
You’re a motivational speaker and you’re complaining about me giving out platitudes.
LOIS
I’m not a motivational speaker, I’m a creativity consultant.
BARMAN
I could come back later.
TOBY
You’re someone who loves making plans, who loves creating lists and loves to know what’s trendy.
(to the Barman)
Two pints of Stella and a glass of white wine.
(back to Lois)
That’s not the same as being fun.
LOIS
You really think you know better than me how to have fun?
TOBY
I think there are lots of fun things, Mark won’t do if you have your way.
LOIS
Like what?
TOBY
Like...
Toby’s struggling when the barman comes up to them with the drinks.
BARMAN
That will be £12.30 please.
MARK (O.S.)
It’s my round.
They look round to see Mark. Neither of them are sure how long he’s been there.
TOBY
No don’t be silly. I’ve got this.
MARK
Please. I’ve never been able to say this before in my life. It’s quite exciting.
(to the barman)
It’s my round.
He hands the barman a £20 note. Toby watches a broad smile comes across Mark’s face as he does this.
TOBY
Mark, have you ever played a pub quiz machine?
Mark smiles.
MARK
No.
INT. PUB-LATER
Mark, Lois and Toby are gathered around the quiz machine. They’re very excited about how well they’re doing. The new question comes up and almost instantly Mark is on it.
MARK
Lake Baikal.
He hits the correct button.
TOBY
Come on!
LOIS
I swear he gets the answer before I can even read the question.
Toby is ringing his phone as he looks at the next answer. Seb answers.
INT. ESTATE-DAY
Seb is with a bunch of teenagers who are practicing their parkour. Seb is queuing up to do a jump. It’s not that hard but it requires concentration.
SEB
Hello.
TOBY
Seb, you’re not going to believe this. We’re nearly at £20 on Deal or No Deal!
Seb stops in his tracks.
SEB
(outraged)
What? What are you doing playing Deal or No Deal without me?
INT. PUB- DAY
MARK
Sodium.
LOIS
Oh my god.
She hugs him. Marks doesn’t know how to react.
TOBY
It’s Mark. He’s unbelievable.
EXT. ESTATE-DAY
Seb stops what he’s doing and ushers the other jumpers to the ledge ahead of him.
SEB
Hold on! Hold on! I need to be part of this. Read out the questions! I’m playing!
INT. PUB- DAY
MARK
Capybara.
LOIS
How do you know all this?
MARK
This is what happens when you never go out.
EXT. ESTATE-DAY
Seb is the last one left to do jump.
SEB
Seriously, read out the questions, man. I’m part of this.
BOY
Seb, are you going to jump or what?
SEB
In a minute.
BOY
Catch us up yeah. You know how to do the jump.
SEB
Of course. Of course.
(down the phone)
Seriously, read out the questions.
The boys bounce off.
INT. PUB- DAY
The three of them are huddled around the machine arms across each others shoulders.
LOIS
OK. This is the last question. Ready?
They all nod.
LOIS (CONT'D)
What year was the queen born?
Mark was about to hit an answer but then he stops. He has no idea.
MARK
I was brought up a Republican.
LOIS
Toby?
TOBY
Seb. This is to win it. What year was the Queen born 1924, 1925 or 1926?
EXT. ESTATE-DAY
Seb walks up to the ledge.
SEB
It’s always the first one with dates. Trust me. 1924. It’s a definite.
TOBY
Are you sure?
SEB
As sure as I am that I can do this jump. In fact I’m going to do both together. Ready? On 3, press 1924. 1,2,3.
He jumps.
INT. PUB- DAY
They press 1924. It’s the wrong answer.
LOIS
No! Fuck!
MARK
(mortified)
I’m sorry.
Lois hugs him. Mark is a bit uncomfortable with this much physical touching. Lois backs off.
LOIS
Don’t be ridiculous! You were amazing. Who knew a quiz could be fun?
TOBY
(on the phone)
Seb? Seb? Are you there?
EXT. ESTATE-DAY
We see the area Seb was meant to jump to. He’s not there.
INT. PUB- DAY
Toby looks at his phone to check reception.
TOBY
He’s such a bad loser.
(to Lois and Mark)
I’m sorry but did Lois just say a quiz is fun?
LOIS
Exception that proves the rule.
TOBY
You see Mark, this is what you need to understand. Lois thinks that when you say you want to learn to have fun, what you’re asking for is some bells and whistles programme consisting of heavily planned trips to cool clubs, trendy parties and random happenings where before you can set foot outside the door you need to think carefully about what you’re wearing, what you’re going to do, how you’re going to act. But I reckon what you want is just a more relaxed introduction to the things people do to chill out: the pub, the quiz machine, the football match. No planning, don’t think too hard about it, just go out there and have a good time. So which do you want?
Mark looks from Toby to Lois and back to Toby. He looks as if he’s been asked make Sophie’s choice.
MARK
Can we do both?
Toby and Lois look at each other. Both a little disappointed he didn’t pick them.
LOIS
You mean take it in turns?
MARK
Well, yeah. They both sound fun.
TOBY
And then at the end you can decide which one is actually more fun?
MARK
(joking)
Sure, I’ll score everything out of 10 and see which wins.
Lois and Toby both nod. They’re satisfied with this.
LOIS
Done. We’ll do 7 each and then see who’s got the most points.
Lois and Toby shake. Mark looks at them, not sure if he should explain to them that he was joking.
TOBY
So who’s going to go first?
Lois takes a beermat and hands it to Mark.
LOIS
That side is me. The other is Toby.
Mark looks extremely nervous and tries to flip it but it doesn’t work and just flops. He tries again. Same reaction.
MARK
Shall I do eenie, meenie, miney moh?
This has slightly taken the wind of the sails but Mark diligently goes through it. Halfway through the count he loses count and is about to start again.
TOBY
Don’t bother. You started with me, Lois will win it.
MARK
How do you know?
TOBY
I’m a primary school teacher.
LOIS
(pleased with having won)
Alright. Next Friday, get ready.
London Screenwriter's Festival
So it's tomorrow and I'm trying to gather my thoughts about what I want from it. I've been to a couple of these and both times I've said next time I'll get more out of it and I'm worried that I won't again so I guess it helps to state what I'm interested in doing. So this is what I'm interested in:
1) Pitching. Not because I need people to say 'that sounds fantastic, let's do it'. But because the more times you tell a story the clearer it becomes to you. And so I'm not going to just pitch Advanced Fun. I'm going to pitch a bunch of projects so that I can hear what people say. And any one pitch doesn't really matter because I'm not looking for people to pick it up. They're all just practice.
2) Be pitched to. I just want to hear as many as possible. Hear how people define their stories. How they make people interested. How they turn them off. I want to always ask people what they're working on and even other projects they know about.
3) Tips and experience of writing as something you do in the evening when you're tired. Those little tips and routines that people like
4) Just to enjoy talking about writing for 3 days and soak it up. The talks are interesting. Enjoying them is a decent thing to do and way to spend your money.
1) Pitching. Not because I need people to say 'that sounds fantastic, let's do it'. But because the more times you tell a story the clearer it becomes to you. And so I'm not going to just pitch Advanced Fun. I'm going to pitch a bunch of projects so that I can hear what people say. And any one pitch doesn't really matter because I'm not looking for people to pick it up. They're all just practice.
2) Be pitched to. I just want to hear as many as possible. Hear how people define their stories. How they make people interested. How they turn them off. I want to always ask people what they're working on and even other projects they know about.
3) Tips and experience of writing as something you do in the evening when you're tired. Those little tips and routines that people like
4) Just to enjoy talking about writing for 3 days and soak it up. The talks are interesting. Enjoying them is a decent thing to do and way to spend your money.
Wednesday 26 October 2011
Midnight in Paris
It's been a very long time since I did this but with the London Screenwriter's Festival in a couple days I should really start again. I'll blog tomorrow about my expectations of the festival but just wanted to say some quick words about Midnight in Paris which I went to see this evening.
There's nothing really to analyse about it. Owen Wilson even brilliantly parodies the smallness of the story by literally saying 'I've had an insight' that nostalgia is not a very realistic emotion and life wasn't better back in the day. I listened to a The Q&A interview with Woody Allen where he talked about this with roughly an argument that went 'things were more beautiful but the medicine was shit so it's not really worth it'. I'm not someone prone to nostalgia. I work on the presumption that now is an exceptional time to be alive, especially as an educated 20 something in London, and so this is not one of those lessons that I in any way need to be reminded of.
But I wanted to pick up two things: first of all the romanticisation of artists. I love Allen's Hemingway. I haven't actually read much Hemingway (although will finally be reading A Farewell to Arms for my book club so will have more to say on this soon) but even I can recognise the parodies he's playing with. But I don't overall give that much of a shit about them. I love art not artists. Curmodgeonly instincts in me don't feel like the self-indulgent lives of artists who go around getting drunk and having wild affairs, being driven places by drivers they never even acknowledge and flying off to Africa are things to approve of. It's not that I don't think a couple evenings with them wouldn't be great but it's a funny kind of intellectual shallowness. My dad always likes to tease my mum that Jane Austen is mills and boon for those with English degrees but I certainly think Allen films are extremely base films for people who consume high culture. You laugh at Hemingway impressions and the constant name checking but basically it's beautiful cities, beautiful women (seriously are there two more beautiful woman alive then Rachel McAdams and Marion Cotillard) people with impossibly wonderful lives being successful and lazy artistic types and smug jokes. I really enjoyed it. It has great charm. But it feels at the same time as if it has less to say then most Will Ferrell movies.
Secondly it's about beautiful cities. I really like that line Owen Wilson has about how he feels a great city is greater than a great piece of art. I think they are magical and I think Allen is great at making them feel it. He's obviously got a very particular way he wants them to feel and that's probably why I rebel against his version of London so much because I have my own but it's a great and important skill which I feel a film can do as well as any medium. And it's one I want to do for London. Toby McDonald who directed Je T'aime John Wayne http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3b0M-YsQjU said that he was fed up of London looking less romantic then New York and Paris. And I agree. It's so high on the list of things I want to do with film.
There's nothing really to analyse about it. Owen Wilson even brilliantly parodies the smallness of the story by literally saying 'I've had an insight' that nostalgia is not a very realistic emotion and life wasn't better back in the day. I listened to a The Q&A interview with Woody Allen where he talked about this with roughly an argument that went 'things were more beautiful but the medicine was shit so it's not really worth it'. I'm not someone prone to nostalgia. I work on the presumption that now is an exceptional time to be alive, especially as an educated 20 something in London, and so this is not one of those lessons that I in any way need to be reminded of.
But I wanted to pick up two things: first of all the romanticisation of artists. I love Allen's Hemingway. I haven't actually read much Hemingway (although will finally be reading A Farewell to Arms for my book club so will have more to say on this soon) but even I can recognise the parodies he's playing with. But I don't overall give that much of a shit about them. I love art not artists. Curmodgeonly instincts in me don't feel like the self-indulgent lives of artists who go around getting drunk and having wild affairs, being driven places by drivers they never even acknowledge and flying off to Africa are things to approve of. It's not that I don't think a couple evenings with them wouldn't be great but it's a funny kind of intellectual shallowness. My dad always likes to tease my mum that Jane Austen is mills and boon for those with English degrees but I certainly think Allen films are extremely base films for people who consume high culture. You laugh at Hemingway impressions and the constant name checking but basically it's beautiful cities, beautiful women (seriously are there two more beautiful woman alive then Rachel McAdams and Marion Cotillard) people with impossibly wonderful lives being successful and lazy artistic types and smug jokes. I really enjoyed it. It has great charm. But it feels at the same time as if it has less to say then most Will Ferrell movies.
Secondly it's about beautiful cities. I really like that line Owen Wilson has about how he feels a great city is greater than a great piece of art. I think they are magical and I think Allen is great at making them feel it. He's obviously got a very particular way he wants them to feel and that's probably why I rebel against his version of London so much because I have my own but it's a great and important skill which I feel a film can do as well as any medium. And it's one I want to do for London. Toby McDonald who directed Je T'aime John Wayne http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3b0M-YsQjU said that he was fed up of London looking less romantic then New York and Paris. And I agree. It's so high on the list of things I want to do with film.
Wednesday 23 March 2011
10 pages
I'm entering a competition tomorrow in which I submit 10 pages from my script. I've gone for these 10 because I hope they set up Lois and Toby and the tone is right. I may be wrong. Anyway, let me know what you think.
INT. CASA DEL HIPSTER-NIGHT
Case del Hipster is a cavernous ex-warehouse job with arches where DJs play various unexciting minimalist beats to people bopping their heads with studied nonchalance.
Lois is wearing red shoes, a red belt and a red hat. Toby is wearing a red T-shirt and a red sweatband.
No one else is wearing red.
They look around the room. Toby sees someone in a bright red shirt. They go over to him but when he turns, they don’t recognise him and have to shuffle away after an unfriendly look.
Toby nods, not really hearing.
He makes the universal signal for a drink. Lois nods and gets her wallet out. Toby refuses it authoritatively. He goes up to the bar and tries to get served but he seems to be constantly beaten. Finally he has the barmaid in his sights. He’s definitely next. He’s practically at the bar. She turns to look at him.
The barmaid comes back with the drinks.
Lois comes up to them.
They down their drinks and follow him.
INT. BEDROOM-DAY
Lois wakes up. She has that moment when you realise you’re not in your own bed. This turns to concern when she sees the bed she’s in has black satin sheets. She turns over. Toby is sleeping there. She looks under the covers. They’re both still wearing their clothes from the night before. She looks around the room. She doesn’t recognise it.
Toby makes a strange and pathetic SQUEAL. Seb opens the door.
Seb nods.
INT. LIVING ROOM- DAY
Seb and Toby are playing a football video game while sitting on the sofa.
Beat.
EXT. STREET- DAY
Toby and Lois are marching down the street. Lois stops at the bus stop.
INT. TUBE STATION
Toby comes racing into the station, hands flailing as he gets his wallet out. He doesn’t touch the pad properly and hits the gate. Chastened, he carefully hits it and then starts running down the escalator.
EXT. STREET- DAY
Lois calmly beeps onto the bus and goes up the stairs to the top floor.
INT. TUBE PLATFORM
Toby comes down the escalator and sees the train at the platform. He flings himself through the doors and lands loudly. He smiles to himself about just making it.
He steadies himself and then realises the doors still haven’t shut. He quietly sits down. Then another guy does exactly what he did. But this time the doors do close straight after. The man looks really pleased with himself.
INT. BUS-DAY
Lois is on the top of the bus at the front looking out. The traffic in front of her doesn’t look good.
INT. TUBE CARRIAGE
The train is about to come into the platform. Toby is at the front. Someone next to him tries to get to the front but Toby moves his shoulder across to block him. Don’t even think about it.
The doors open and he bursts out and up the stairs.
EXT. BUS-DAY
The bus clears through some traffic and starts to pick up some speed. Lois nods approvingly. She looks at her watch.
INT. TRAIN STATION DAY
Toby runs onto the platform and looks at the ticker. 7 minutes. He’s dismayed.
EXT. BUS-DAY
The bus is going really slow now. Lois gives up. She gets off and runs.
INT. TRAIN PLATFORM-DAY
The train arrives. Toby get on.
INT. ANOTHER TRAIN PLATFORM.
Lois runs up the stairs as the train arrives. She goes to the correct carriage as the doors open. As they open, she sees Toby in front of her, smiling. She smiles back.
They both get off the train.
She kicks Toby in the bollocks and runs down the stairs. Toby reels.
EXT. STREET- DAY
Lois is running, broad smile on her face, looking behind to see if Toby is coming.
EXT. STREET- DAY
Lois gets to the turn off for their street when a taxi comes by and drops Toby off right next to her. Toby pays and gets out and runs. He nearly runs straight into MARK, 27, but looking much younger despite an attempt at growing a beard. Mark is laden down with two enormous bags and looks bewildered as Lois and then Toby speed past him.
Toby races ahead and just overtakes Lois as they get to the house. He collapses in a heap.
INT. CASA DEL HIPSTER-NIGHT
Case del Hipster is a cavernous ex-warehouse job with arches where DJs play various unexciting minimalist beats to people bopping their heads with studied nonchalance.
Lois is wearing red shoes, a red belt and a red hat. Toby is wearing a red T-shirt and a red sweatband.
No one else is wearing red.
They look around the room. Toby sees someone in a bright red shirt. They go over to him but when he turns, they don’t recognise him and have to shuffle away after an unfriendly look.
LOIS
Maybe, he’s not here yet.
Maybe, he’s not here yet.
Toby nods, not really hearing.
TOBY
He’s probably not here yet. Do you want a drink?
He’s probably not here yet. Do you want a drink?
He makes the universal signal for a drink. Lois nods and gets her wallet out. Toby refuses it authoritatively. He goes up to the bar and tries to get served but he seems to be constantly beaten. Finally he has the barmaid in his sights. He’s definitely next. He’s practically at the bar. She turns to look at him.
TOBY (CONT'D)
Hi.
Hi.
MAN (O.C.)
(to the barmaid)
Hello, two things: Firstly, you really are quite fantastically beautiful and red really suits you. Secondly, could I have two double vodka and tonics for myself and two beers and a shot of tequila for this gentleman to my right. Thank-you.
Toby looks to see SEB, 28, short, angrily handsome and with hair that indicates his generally frenetic manner. Seb is smiling at him with a cheesy eyebrow chucked in for good measure.(to the barmaid)
Hello, two things: Firstly, you really are quite fantastically beautiful and red really suits you. Secondly, could I have two double vodka and tonics for myself and two beers and a shot of tequila for this gentleman to my right. Thank-you.
SEB
Red suits you too, by the way.
TOBY
Yeah, what was that about?
SEB
Just wanted to see who’s my bitch. And it’s you! Which is a surprise. Not the you being my bitch bit obviously but the fact you’re out and about. I mean what is this? Did the missus let you take your cojones out with you or are they back home doing the ironing.
Red suits you too, by the way.
TOBY
Yeah, what was that about?
SEB
Just wanted to see who’s my bitch. And it’s you! Which is a surprise. Not the you being my bitch bit obviously but the fact you’re out and about. I mean what is this? Did the missus let you take your cojones out with you or are they back home doing the ironing.
The barmaid comes back with the drinks.
SEB (CONT'D)
Muchas gracias. Hasta mas tarde.
He gives her a big smile. She doesn't respond.Muchas gracias. Hasta mas tarde.
SEB (CONT'D)
Did you know Americans call what we’re doing right now double fisting? And they call them a prudish people.
TOBY
Actually I’m just having the one fist.
SEB
(disappointed)
Is Julie here?
Did you know Americans call what we’re doing right now double fisting? And they call them a prudish people.
TOBY
Actually I’m just having the one fist.
SEB
(disappointed)
Is Julie here?
Lois comes up to them.
LOIS
Hi Seb.
SEB
Ah, the landlady! Now this is good news. Come on two kisses, let’s get continental. And you’re wearing red as well! Two bitches! This is going to be a fine night. So what brings you two out from the suburbs on a Friday?
Lois looks at Toby. He looks down.Hi Seb.
SEB
Ah, the landlady! Now this is good news. Come on two kisses, let’s get continental. And you’re wearing red as well! Two bitches! This is going to be a fine night. So what brings you two out from the suburbs on a Friday?
LOIS
My colleagues made me feel old today. I needed to prove them wrong.
SEB
Well you’ve come to the wrong place. I feel bloody ancient here. I thought no 21 years old had a job these days. What the hell they doing in an extortion racket like this? Any of your pupils here Toby?
TOBY
You do know I teach primary school?
SEB
Yes. Right, get that tequila down you.
Toby does so.
SEB (CONT'D)
And now the beer.
TOBY
I’m going to pace myself a little.
SEB
Nonsense, you’re probably going to have to head home at 11. Better get you in an embarrassing state before then.
TOBY
I don’t have to go home.
SEB
Really?
TOBY
Really.
SEB
And why’s that?
TOBY
Because she dumped me this afternoon. In 3B. Next to a paper mache dinosaur.
Seb hugs him. Beer goes everywhere.
SEB
You twat! Why didn’t you say? OK, we’re all getting properly trashed now. But not here. I’d probably end up being banned from going 100m from a school. Let’s go.
My colleagues made me feel old today. I needed to prove them wrong.
SEB
Well you’ve come to the wrong place. I feel bloody ancient here. I thought no 21 years old had a job these days. What the hell they doing in an extortion racket like this? Any of your pupils here Toby?
TOBY
You do know I teach primary school?
SEB
Yes. Right, get that tequila down you.
Toby does so.
SEB (CONT'D)
And now the beer.
TOBY
I’m going to pace myself a little.
SEB
Nonsense, you’re probably going to have to head home at 11. Better get you in an embarrassing state before then.
TOBY
I don’t have to go home.
SEB
Really?
TOBY
Really.
SEB
And why’s that?
TOBY
Because she dumped me this afternoon. In 3B. Next to a paper mache dinosaur.
Seb hugs him. Beer goes everywhere.
SEB
You twat! Why didn’t you say? OK, we’re all getting properly trashed now. But not here. I’d probably end up being banned from going 100m from a school. Let’s go.
They down their drinks and follow him.
INT. BEDROOM-DAY
Lois wakes up. She has that moment when you realise you’re not in your own bed. This turns to concern when she sees the bed she’s in has black satin sheets. She turns over. Toby is sleeping there. She looks under the covers. They’re both still wearing their clothes from the night before. She looks around the room. She doesn’t recognise it.
TOBY
(not looking up)
Lois?
LOIS
(whispering)
Yeah?
TOBY
(not whispering)
What are we doing in Seb’s bed?
SEB (O.C.)
(from behind the door)
Right, unless you guys are having sex, I’m coming in 7,6,5,4,3,2
(not looking up)
Lois?
LOIS
(whispering)
Yeah?
TOBY
(not whispering)
What are we doing in Seb’s bed?
SEB (O.C.)
(from behind the door)
Right, unless you guys are having sex, I’m coming in 7,6,5,4,3,2
Toby makes a strange and pathetic SQUEAL. Seb opens the door.
SEB (CONT'D)
1! What was that?
TOBY
My fake sex noise.
There’s a moment of silence in the room.1! What was that?
TOBY
My fake sex noise.
SEB
I’m a little disturbed right now
(he gets over it)
So, I trust Sir and Madam had a good sleep. That the bed was to your satisfaction.
TOBY
Very nice. Thank-you, Jeeves.
SEB
Good because one wouldn’t want any discomfort. If one is too drunk to get a taxi in London, one must of course steal the bed of one’s host and let him squat on the sofa.
TOBY
Well, I for one, was hoping you’d join us.
LOIS
Can I use the shower, Seb? I’ll leave you boys to flirt in peace.
I’m a little disturbed right now
(he gets over it)
So, I trust Sir and Madam had a good sleep. That the bed was to your satisfaction.
TOBY
Very nice. Thank-you, Jeeves.
SEB
Good because one wouldn’t want any discomfort. If one is too drunk to get a taxi in London, one must of course steal the bed of one’s host and let him squat on the sofa.
TOBY
Well, I for one, was hoping you’d join us.
LOIS
Can I use the shower, Seb? I’ll leave you boys to flirt in peace.
Seb nods.
INT. LIVING ROOM- DAY
Seb and Toby are playing a football video game while sitting on the sofa.
SEB
And he gets past him again. Leaves him for dead. And, OH YES!, Tune into radio Norfolk, because that, my friend, is the back of the net. Tell me, Toby, you must meet a lot of people who beat you; would you say I’m among the more gracious winners?
TOBY
You are aware you’re the only person I ever play computer games with?
SEB
Well what improving things do you normally do on a Saturday afternoon?
And he gets past him again. Leaves him for dead. And, OH YES!, Tune into radio Norfolk, because that, my friend, is the back of the net. Tell me, Toby, you must meet a lot of people who beat you; would you say I’m among the more gracious winners?
TOBY
You are aware you’re the only person I ever play computer games with?
SEB
Well what improving things do you normally do on a Saturday afternoon?
Beat.
TOBY
We’d watch Masterchef.
Seb gives Toby a hug.We’d watch Masterchef.
SEB
I cannot believe I’m hugging someone who admits to watching Masterchef. So we’ve already found one good thing about this. No more thinking chopping onions makes good television.
Lois comes in.
LOIS
Seb, no man should have that good a hair dryer. Do you mind if I make myself some coffee?
SEB
I don’t have any coffee.
LOIS
What?
SEB
It’s not good for you that stuff. I treat my body like a temple.
TOBY
You did 4 tequila slammers in a row last night.
SEB
A temple to a Mexican god. Who likes to party.
LOIS
What do you have to drink?
SEB
Green Tea.
LOIS
I think I might have to go home. Toby, what time’s your cousin arriving.
TOBY
Oh fuck! He’s coming at 1pm. What’s the time now?
LOIS
12:30pm.
TOBY
Shit! I better go.
(to Seb)
Cheers fella.
SEB
Hug it out one more time, come on.
They hug. Seb gives him a serious look in the eye to makes sure Toby knows he’s there for him. Toby smiles at its slightly intense earnestness and then heads off.I cannot believe I’m hugging someone who admits to watching Masterchef. So we’ve already found one good thing about this. No more thinking chopping onions makes good television.
Lois comes in.
LOIS
Seb, no man should have that good a hair dryer. Do you mind if I make myself some coffee?
SEB
I don’t have any coffee.
LOIS
What?
SEB
It’s not good for you that stuff. I treat my body like a temple.
TOBY
You did 4 tequila slammers in a row last night.
SEB
A temple to a Mexican god. Who likes to party.
LOIS
What do you have to drink?
SEB
Green Tea.
LOIS
I think I might have to go home. Toby, what time’s your cousin arriving.
TOBY
Oh fuck! He’s coming at 1pm. What’s the time now?
LOIS
12:30pm.
TOBY
Shit! I better go.
(to Seb)
Cheers fella.
SEB
Hug it out one more time, come on.
EXT. STREET- DAY
Toby and Lois are marching down the street. Lois stops at the bus stop.
TOBY
What are you doing?
LOIS
I’m getting the bus. It’ll be faster.
TOBY
No, it won’t.
LOIS
It’s quicker, especially on a Saturday.
TOBY
I promise you it’s not.
LOIS
Race ya.
Toby pulls a face as if he’d never stoop to such juvenile behaviour. Then he starts running. Hard. Lois smiles and then she looks round. She can see the bus up the road. She feels pretty confident.What are you doing?
LOIS
I’m getting the bus. It’ll be faster.
TOBY
No, it won’t.
LOIS
It’s quicker, especially on a Saturday.
TOBY
I promise you it’s not.
LOIS
Race ya.
INT. TUBE STATION
Toby comes racing into the station, hands flailing as he gets his wallet out. He doesn’t touch the pad properly and hits the gate. Chastened, he carefully hits it and then starts running down the escalator.
EXT. STREET- DAY
Lois calmly beeps onto the bus and goes up the stairs to the top floor.
INT. TUBE PLATFORM
Toby comes down the escalator and sees the train at the platform. He flings himself through the doors and lands loudly. He smiles to himself about just making it.
He steadies himself and then realises the doors still haven’t shut. He quietly sits down. Then another guy does exactly what he did. But this time the doors do close straight after. The man looks really pleased with himself.
INT. BUS-DAY
Lois is on the top of the bus at the front looking out. The traffic in front of her doesn’t look good.
INT. TUBE CARRIAGE
The train is about to come into the platform. Toby is at the front. Someone next to him tries to get to the front but Toby moves his shoulder across to block him. Don’t even think about it.
The doors open and he bursts out and up the stairs.
EXT. BUS-DAY
The bus clears through some traffic and starts to pick up some speed. Lois nods approvingly. She looks at her watch.
INT. TRAIN STATION DAY
Toby runs onto the platform and looks at the ticker. 7 minutes. He’s dismayed.
EXT. BUS-DAY
The bus is going really slow now. Lois gives up. She gets off and runs.
INT. TRAIN PLATFORM-DAY
The train arrives. Toby get on.
INT. ANOTHER TRAIN PLATFORM.
Lois runs up the stairs as the train arrives. She goes to the correct carriage as the doors open. As they open, she sees Toby in front of her, smiling. She smiles back.
LOIS
I guess that counts as a draw.
INT. YET ANOTHER TRAIN PLATFORM-DAYI guess that counts as a draw.
They both get off the train.
TOBY
You know given that I had to wait for my train, I don’t think it should count as a draw.
LOIS
No, I don’t think it counts as a draw.
TOBY
Really?
LOIS
Yep. First one to the house wins.
You know given that I had to wait for my train, I don’t think it should count as a draw.
LOIS
No, I don’t think it counts as a draw.
TOBY
Really?
LOIS
Yep. First one to the house wins.
She kicks Toby in the bollocks and runs down the stairs. Toby reels.
EXT. STREET- DAY
Lois is running, broad smile on her face, looking behind to see if Toby is coming.
EXT. STREET- DAY
Lois gets to the turn off for their street when a taxi comes by and drops Toby off right next to her. Toby pays and gets out and runs. He nearly runs straight into MARK, 27, but looking much younger despite an attempt at growing a beard. Mark is laden down with two enormous bags and looks bewildered as Lois and then Toby speed past him.
Toby races ahead and just overtakes Lois as they get to the house. He collapses in a heap.
TOBY
(catching his breath)
You. Are not. Very ladylike.
LOIS
You took a bloody taxi!
TOBY
I was injured. I needed a runner.
LOIS
You know, I thought that guy with the bags might be your cousin.
TOBY
Yeah, I was wondering that.
LOIS
Don’t you know what he looks like?
TOBY
I know what he looked like at 13. I’m working on the principle that he might have changed. Well, he’s coming towards us.
Sure enough, Mark is slowly, slightly warily, coming towards them. He’s checking the numbers and realising that, indeed, the two strange running people are outside the house that he’s meant to be going to.(catching his breath)
You. Are not. Very ladylike.
LOIS
You took a bloody taxi!
TOBY
I was injured. I needed a runner.
LOIS
You know, I thought that guy with the bags might be your cousin.
TOBY
Yeah, I was wondering that.
LOIS
Don’t you know what he looks like?
TOBY
I know what he looked like at 13. I’m working on the principle that he might have changed. Well, he’s coming towards us.
LOIS
(to Toby)
Say hello to him.
TOBY
What?
LOIS
Welcome him!
TOBY
What if it’s not him?
LOIS
What if it is?
TOBY/LOIS
You must be Mark!
If Mark wasn’t unsettled before, he is now.(to Toby)
Say hello to him.
TOBY
What?
LOIS
Welcome him!
TOBY
What if it’s not him?
LOIS
What if it is?
Toby and Lois look at each other and then both at the same time.
TOBY/LOIS
You must be Mark!
MARK
Yes.
Yes.
Sunday 20 March 2011
Comedy SWF
I'm going to this in a couple weeks. It should be good. The lineup is very impressive and I'll know some people to talk to etc. and compares notes.
If you want to go and haven't got a ticket go via one of these blogs: Danny Stack or the founder of the festival Chris Jones. They'll give you a discount code. They both were excellent at the London Screenwriters Festival in October. Supportive, warm and interesting so go through them and come. And if you're coming let me know and we'll hook up.
I'll be talking about the festival more soon.
If you want to go and haven't got a ticket go via one of these blogs: Danny Stack or the founder of the festival Chris Jones. They'll give you a discount code. They both were excellent at the London Screenwriters Festival in October. Supportive, warm and interesting so go through them and come. And if you're coming let me know and we'll hook up.
I'll be talking about the festival more soon.
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